On the Quarrel

Went out with classmates last night till wee in the morning. Went for movie, then went for dinner, chatted until 9 something, and then headed out to Mid Valley for another movie, finally only reaching home at 1 in the morning.

Complicated reasons. I can tell you the happy reason, of which it's basically the weekend. Or I can choose to tell you the dark twisted secrets, which practically turned me nuts.

I had a row with my mama. The previous night.

She called, as per usual, asking the usual, had dinner? At home now? Doing reports? Next week start busy again? It's been the same questions, without fail, for the past 1 week. And I guess I must've raised my voice with the one-word answers tad a little louder. She kept quiet.

Then I asked, anything else? She finally replied, in a teary tone, "No more, nothing, I don't want to bother you."

Then I hung up.

5 minutes later, she sent me an sms "Have I done anything wrong? Why you treat me like that? I'm very hurt!"

I called her, "What is it with you?"

"What is it with YOU! You cannot talk to me like this!"

"You calling me every single night, asking me wherever I went, and whatever I do, and whoever I go out with, it's very annoying! I am 23 for Christ's sake! I'm not a kid anymore! I'm not your 12 years old underage boy who needs parental guidance in everything I do. I'm an adult! You calling me and monitoring whatever I do, it's very very annoying!"

"Annoying is it now? Okay! Fine, I won't call you again!"

"Fine! Don't call me!"

I hung up again. Pictures were already flashing before my eyes. She'd start to cry, then she'd call the sister, and spilled everything to the sister, and the sister would come asking me to apologize to Mum. Which exactly turned out as how I expected. Sis knocked on the door a few times, I just ignored it, and lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Then Mum called. 5 times. I ignored all.

Then she sent me sms again, "I just wonder why you reject mummy. At least wherever you go and whatever you do, just inform your parents. I know you are big enough to decide. It is a respect to your parents. I just feel you are drifting further and further from Mummy."

I read. And put it aside, continued to stare at the ceiling, heart aching.

Then another message, "I teach my students to respect their parents everyday and yet I can't teach my own son to respect his mother. Poor me!"

Upon the second message, I was really angry. I'd have called her and tell her off again, for her wanting me to report everything about me, she's the one who make me distance myself from her. Her wanting to know everything about me, she might as well just live this life of mine, I might as well just give her my life no? I felt she's controlling everything. I have to tell her who I go out with, introduce her to my friends, and tell her where I'm going. It's like, she's limiting my social life. She doesn't do it openly, but she's using all these reverse psychology, pretending to be okay with whatever I'm doing, but worrying nuts until I'm back home, knowing clearly I'll worry that she worries too much, so that I would get home early to ease her worry. She's smart, she's playing guilt with me, knowing so well I'm so ever soft-hearted.

But I was holding firm the night before last night, I didn't gave in. And I guessed I managed to go to sleep in the end.

But when I went out last night, my phone battery ran out. Knowing so well she'd call me till her phone explode, part of me felt like just letting her be. But another part of me worried that she'll worry too much.

So, I still gave in in the end. I used the friend's phone and called her, "I'm outside now. My phone battery is dead. Watching late night movie. Will be home late after midnight. Bye."

At least she knows I'm outside.