On Welcoming the Last month

I remembered I told someone that, I die die also want that planner, so must harworkingly go to Starbucks. It wasn't easy, since the soulmate wasn't hanging out as much in Starbucks anymore now that we found out other cheaper places with better wifi connections. But since I first set eyes on the Christmas promotion then, I decided I want it.

At last, it's finally in my arms.

Thank God no one actually knows that I was hugging it like a crazy guy in Starbucks when I finally got my 11th stamp which entitled me this planner.

See, before we know it, it's already the last month of the year. No doubt it feels all Christmasy in the shopping mall. The last that I was in the Curve, they've gotten all the Christmas tree in already; Subang Parade has like hundreds of little ones all around as well. It's pretty obvious that this is pretty much the most happening celebration all year round, as how I see it.

Who would've known, in an blink of an eye, we're waking up to December. I'm pretty sure, before we know it, we'll be waking up to 2010 already. Of course, sooner or later, we'll wake up realising we're 50 years old already. Who knew, one day we might wake up remembering we're already in palliative care waiting to die.

One of the doctors from HOSPIS Malaysia talked to us one day about palliative care, what they do and how they do it, and how a lot of medical doctors not sure when to stop saving lives, despite it's what we're suppose to do. A lot of the times, we will not stop resuscitating, and we defibrilate and we pump more drugs, in the hope of extending the lives of the patient longer. More often than not, the dying patients are put through a lot of torture.

We know clearly what is life and what is death. But most of us, if not all, don't know what is dying.

There was a patient who had a nasopharyngeal carcinoma, terminal stage, waiting to die. She was just 30 years old. When the doctors asked her how she's holding up, she replied, "I'm fine. I'm dying, I accepted it and I'm ready for it." And she asked the doctor back, "Are you able to accept the fact that I'm dying?" It hit me hard, because it later dawned to me, most of the time, the patients themselves are able to accept the fact that they're dying, but we're the ones who couldn't. We just couldn't accept the lives of a human being is ending. The process before it ends, is pretty unbearable.

So now as I opens up this planner, I looked through the pages. It starts with the last month of 2009. December.

And it ends with January 2011.