On Talking About Dating

In the spirit of Christmas, I'm giving and sharing with you a very very personal insight to the dark twisted me. So naturally, there'll be photos of the Christmas decorations in one of my favourite place in town.

See, here's the thing. Mum has been asking me to get a girlfriend. She suggested that I shouldn't let go the chance when there's another girl making the first move. Yea yea so there were a few who showed interests, and erm, there were some who actually asked me to be their beau. To whom, I actually turned down. And Mum was like, grumbled and grumbled.

Thing is, I don't think I'm still ready for a committed relationship. Yes I've seen friends around me getting coupled and those lovey dovey mushy whispers that we as outsiders felt as if we were not meant to be near them. And I won't deny I don't want those happening to me. I love human touch after all. Even if it means just holding hands.

But the thing is, I guess all along I just let the chances slipped by. That even when the brotherhood was like, asking me to "JUST GO!" or "DATE HER ALREADY!", I'd freak out in the end, and just sit there sulking when the chances were gone. Maybe I am a coward after all.

I've always thought, that guys won't have problem getting a girlfriend. After all, like she said, guys of 25 years old are still considered young, but a single girl of 25 years old, is not that young anymore. So I'd be more worried about my sister not dating anyone just yet. And that's I always just push the idea of going after some really nice girl although I know she's really super nice. And that just happened so many times. Especially when the girl is not seeing anyone else.

So here's the problem. Once that particular single girl goes out seeing somebody, I'll be sulking and throw tantrums at myself, scolding and shouting at myself why the heck didn't I make any moves earlier on. That now she's already seeing someone else, I've lost the chance of even dating her anymore. What the fuck was I doing letting go of such an angel? That I was so blind? That I was so dumb and slow?

Does it mean, only when she's seeing somebody, I'll notice her?

Or that, her seeing somebody proved that she's the right girl?

So when I was sulking and telling my friend that one of my girl friends started seeing someone else, he told me straight to the face, "Go get her!" And I'd come up with all sorts of excuses. And he'd go, "Lawyer so what? You're a doctor! To be!", "Violonist so what? You're a photographer.", and "Just fight with him over her. After all they have only been going out for a month."

Now here's the thing. Does she really mean it when she said, girls generally prefer guys who can give them the sense of security? And since the guy she's seeing is coming to 5 years older than us, she'll opt for him instead of her peers?

Thing is, I never turn down any girl when they ask for help, especially not when they're someone I'm quite fond of. So I didn't see me sending her off to KL city before the start of the weekend as something that is of a big deal. But if it really is, does that give me any chance to trigger a spark?

And now that I was already forgetting the so-called failed chance, I saw the one I have been waiting for so long, today. I was asked if I wanted to go away on a short trip together, just the two of us... And the old memories came surged back... Blardy hell?! After all those effort of trying to get over that stupid hung up emotions for you, now you're asking me out?

Stupid as it maybe, I actually agreed instantly.

So what the fuck should I be doing now huh?

Merry Christmas everyone.