On the Retreat to Rinchen Jangsem Ling (1)

I tried to swallow the pride of not wanting to let the tears flow, but I guess I just couldn't hold back the tears when I finally broke down in the lawn of this place up in the hill somewhere in the middle of a rubber tree plantation in Triang, Pahang. We visited the Rinchen Jangsem Ling Retreat Centre on the 8th day of the 8th month this year.

The mantra of Great Compassion being played in the main prayer hall as we passed by filled me with utmost remorse and humiliation, tears just streamed out without control. I felt peace, yet within those inner peace, there's a strong struggle of just wanting to forget whatever that has happened. Giving up everything and just let go.

If you came to this page via the Google search engine, perhaps you'd like to read TZ's description on the retreat centre in brief. I didn't quite get much of the details of the retreat centre, other than that of what I've described earlier in this post.

I decided to get on with the plan despite falling into emotional distress just one day before we embarked on the weekend getaway. Maybe that was why I succumbed to tears, having known that I was finally away from the city...

As the sun set in the far West, we sat in the lawn waiting for the sky to turn orange. The magical moment when we would be able to see the last ray of light from the almighty sun, shining through those range of clouds. But our hopes were in vain, sunset up from the hill wasn't as spectacular as I had hoped. Pretty much how it turned out with my expecations of myself which led to my despair.

But the retreat centre turned into a spectacular view once all the lights were switched on. Turning all despair into new hopes. I walked into the main hall, wanting to do a full prostration but I hadn't learn how to then.

So, I just kneeled down, closed my eyes and shut everything out. But part of me refused to keep quiet and thoughts of why the predicaments fall upon me came ringing at the back of my mind. Why me?! Why?

That night when we headed back to bed, one of the deities came visit...



To be continued...