Tuesday, January 06, 2009

On Feeling Hateful

This is a hate mail.

As time passes by, I have learnt to hate people. I tried not to use that word really. 'Hate'. Sounds so sinful and wrong in so many levels. Therefore, I have been trying to adapt to the phrase 'not fond of'. But time and again, I just couldn't bring myself to utter the word 'hate' for it's much more shorter and easier to blurt out. So here it goes, as sinfully as it will be, I hate, as well.

Again, I'm telling you. This is a hate mail.

Have since my secondary school hated this one guy whom again and again, been telling lies. I mean, hey, what is it that is so shameful of telling the truth? It's okay to be humble. But that doesn't give you the right to tell lies. And to keep your mouth shut instead of twisting the truth, that are two different things altogether. So when I have finally felt free that I won't be stuck with him, in the same class, I was told that he's going to fly together with me. Even when my flight direction changed, he's still in the same flight! Not once, but thrice.

So imagined how hateful I felt when I learnt he was still going to be around for another few more years! Am keeping my fingers crossed hoping that he won't be anywhere near me in the future. As soon as possible.

I tried so much to get along. But the fact that he registered as one I'm not going to be fond of, will never change. And that means, no matter what happens, or how much anyone else try to make peace between us, there will always be a thorn at the back of my mind. It will be hard.

Not a good thing to do you'll say. But at least I'm not holding grudges and there's no intention of harming or causing harm in anyways. The only harm I'll cause is to avoid the people I hate. And that's only if you consider that as an act to harm. And another, maybe the anger and envy I'm causing on myself. Then again, it's none of anyone's business.

I for one, don't like to pick a fight. I walk away. That is my way of solving conflicts. I'm not the one who will compete. I'm not the one who will compromise. But rather, I'm the coward who avoid.

This is a hate mail.

So there you go. You get on with your own life. Just leave me out of it. Being independant is not as pathetic as you think it is. I have my own circle of friends. But that doesn't give you any right to say I'm not fun. Just because you think your group of friends are cool and are humours, and that you don't know any of my friends, doesn't give you the right to say I'm boring.

There's just a limit to what I'll take. You can flaunt it. Show off in front of me if that's going to make you happy. But who are you pleasing anyways?

This is a hate mail.

So, I give a damn. I give a fuck who you hang out with. I give a fuck if you're the elite group. Or so if you think. And I give a fuck what you said.


Oh, and if you're offended, my appologies. I'm sure you won't be too sensitive as to think the post is about you. But if you do feel as if I'm aiming at you, then you it is. As I've mentioned, I'm the coward who avoid conflicts. I don't pick a fight.

And yes, I don't ever think our relationship will ever turned for the better. Damage done is done. Cosmetics won't help with the wound. So, it's over. I won't care who you fuck anymore. You will be slowly forgotten. I assure you that.

That just proved it, men are cruel. And more heartless. Compared to women. When it's over, it's over.

And I'm a man now.

Told you this is a hate mail. Maybe not as hate-full as what normal hate mails will be like, I actually have very little knowledge on vocabularies such as assholes, bastards and bitches and what not. At least I think it reflected that I'm that coward who doesn't curse.

11 Jujus:

Cedric Ang said...

you suck in writing hate mails

Medie007 said...

it's a hate mail alright. sucky whatever lah. i dun want to enclose his name and curse him dead whatsoever. let him be. just outta my life.

JD Cole said...

Have since my secondary school hated this one guy whom again and again, been telling lies. I mean, hey, what is it that is so shameful of telling the truth? It's okay to be humble.

I soooo totally can relate!! I hv the same problem, it's just the person is a gurl.

That's the reason why i moved my blog...to avoid her. Some people are delusional *sigh

Sam said...

I'm with Cedric on your hate mail. :P

But hey, we all hate every now and then - it's just the question of who is worth our energy to hate.

Janvier said...

Fuiyoh. Can rasa the dendam, you don't need strong cusswords. Best thing is to have nothing to do with the person at all times possible.

*Anton* said...

Everything is impermanent. Friends become foes and vice versa.

I do agree that wounds that heal leave scars. And it is not easy to forgive and even more so, forget.

You have made the right move to avoid to get on with life. To hate is very self-absorbing, tiring, frustration.... so please do let go. Take care ya. ^_^

p/s... i prefer to say 'severely dislike".

Medie007 said...

JD Cole... haha so that's why hmmm? :P

sam, sometimes it's not that we have the energy to hate. but we don't have the energy to be tolerant with it anymore. and it's so easy to hate than to love.

janvier, can't avoid forever unless i move to overseas or something.

anton, thanks for the advice. :) ps: never thought of severely dislike though. haha

Anonymous said...

ur hatemail seems to polite ler....LOL

erm....and.....y waste energy hating ppl wor? juz ignore and avoid.....frens are nvr really FOREVER wan la....so if tak tahan...tak yah be nice....:P


TZ said...

dude, chill chill... since everything is out from your heart / mind ... just let go and move on eh! :)

No use to hate this person which you will only suffer in the long run...

Medie007 said...

alphie, am not as polite as you imagined lor

TZ: thanks dude. well, as what they say, time heals everything.

foongpc said...

Wow! So much hate! Don't torture yourself with so much hatred for this person. He may just be enjoying himself while you are angry hating him. You are suffering, not him. Why bother to hate at all?