On Coming to Earth

I asked mum about her pregnancy of me the other day we were together. It never crossed my mind to go find out about it until recently when I saw some of the ladies delivering babies in the labour room. And since we are in the ObGyn at the moment, colleagues were talking about thier birth as well.

So here's the stats of my delivery.

I'm a case of post-date induction of labour. I stayed inside my mummy's womb for an extra of 2 weeks. Which puts me 41 weeks + 14 days. Like uh, VERY VERY late. When I was finally out of my mum, I was covered with shit and already turned blue. I weighed 3.8kg, super large, Mum must be screaming in pain when my big head passes through her vagina. I was breast-fed for... uh, this I forgot to ask. LMAO. But clearly, I'm now healthy and alive with no illnesses.

Anyways, I knew all along that I'm a case of induction. Mum told me before that I stayed too long inside her tummy that I was really reluctant to come out, that our family doctor had to force me out. The other day when Mum went to our family doctor for her hypertension follow up, he still asked about me! Time passed by really fast. He was in a general hospital back then, and in a blink of an eye, I'm now 21 years old.

And to see us grow from a baby to what we are now, I suppose Mum must be really happy and that heave of relief... I totally understands.

I saw a case of intrauterine growth retardation where the mother delievered a dead limpy baby while I was on-call in the labour room. His head was deformed and he was lifeless. So to put myself in his mum's shoes, I really don't know what I'll feel.

See, I know I don't like kids all along. I never am close to any of my younger cousins. I don't play with them, I don't cheer them up when they cry, I just walk away and stay as far away from them as possible. No doubt I like really cutey dovey toddlers, but that's just it. However, I'm trying to like them now.

And there's a reason behind it. Having a child, is a HUGE responsibility. Being a guy and not the one to concieve doesn't make it any easier.

You'll start to worry once you're tested positive in your urine pregnancy test. You began to worry if your baby will grow healthy inside your womb. Whether there'll be any growth or developmental problem.

And coming towards your third trimester, you'll still worry. Is your baby going to be born healthy, and not mentally retarded? Possibility of Down Syndromme or any of those chromosomal abnormalities are still possible.

And once you deliver your baby, there's a temporary moment of joy. You see your baby healthy, and you thank God that he doesn't suffer from any malformation. You breast fed him and you tuck him to bed every night.

By the end of one year, you'll begin to wonder if he's able to talk or is he deaf? Does he have cerebral palsy? Is he mentally slow? Will he grow up to be a normal kid?

And even when all that comes out fine, you'll still worry of his future when he steps into school. You'll want him to do well in his studies. You'll want him to become a smart student. You want the best for him. So you're willing to scoop out every penny you've got to send him to tuitions and get him reference books.

And when he finally entered a university, you'll still worry. Will he face any financial problem? You call all the time asking if he's doing alright, whether he's sick, whether he needs any money... That you'll save all the money you could from your income and willingly eat just plain rice with soup every night so that there's enough money to support your son through college.

Even with everything fine, you will still worry. Is he really fine?

I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for that kind of a commitment. I'm scared. I'm worried.

So for the time being, I'll just enjoy life as it is. I guess that's why the age of marriage is getting later and later nowadays. I just hope Mum will still be proud of me no matter how late I stay un-married and child-less.