On A Waiting Heart

I waited. I waited and waited. And waited and waited and waited.

The first time we met, it was the 7th of July of 2007. And it's over a year now. I was swept off my feet, I was fallen madly in love. I didn't know how to make the moves, but I knew I missed the company 2 hours after I left for home. And I sent a text message saying "I missed you already". Gosh. That was just the first meeting.

And the first meeting led to another. And another. And another. It became a routine. Come Saturday, and I'll be away from home, we'd hit the movies together, grab a bite, then drove down to Klang and spend the rest of the weekend together.

And I still am waiting. I don't know how to make the first move. I'm the younger party. Although I'm a guy and all, but the other party is very independant and not the typical type who'd bug you with a small cut on the finger. That's why I was so madly attracted. Definitely everyone's desire.

Just somehow, things started to go slow after the 2 months of study break for the 2nd year final exams. But we still keep in touch. A text message in the middle of the week asking how did the week go or me becoming the story teller of my dull life. Yet, we never fail to meet every once in a while. And somehow, every other times we met, though not as frequent anymore after the fuel price hike, I still felt the warmth and love was in the air.

I admit, maybe the madly-in-love wasn't as strong as before, even though it's more of a one-sided thing as I'm the one to be head over heels over a poor soul that got out of a really bad relationship. But I'm still waiting. I'm waiting for a green light. I need it. Or else, I just don't know how could I ever pick myself up and face the new day. I admit I may be overly sensitive, but I need that "Okay, let's bring this to the next level" sign.

Yet, I got no moves. No lights. No signs. No rejection whatsoever.

And I went on a date who was actually a close friend of the owner of this waiting heart. "Forget about it dude. It ain't happening. It was a really bad ending in the last relationships, there's no more belief in a serios, long term relationship."

Crushed. Disappointed. And utterly sad. I didn't want to believe. I turned down another girl's request because I was waiting for the move. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to believe in anymore.

I wanted to cry. Yet there wasn't a tear to flow. I wanted to call and ask for a clarification. Yet I am not in a position to. We're not dating. I was told we could never be earlier on. But I didn't want to believe. And it stretched and stretched... until it's after one year and 20 days now.

And I still don't know what we'll be.

Say something. Please....

I'm still waiting. After one whole long year.

So please... say you love me too.



ps: waiting by Hussain Shah.
ps2: Swan by mozzercork
ps3: Candle by Bob.Fornal

Work of fiction. Am having mixed feelings of betrayed and disappointment, that's true.