Dangerous Doctor...

That'll be me.

Came back from school and found out I've done so many stupid mistakes. Right, Trichurius trichuria actually infect human beings through larva when the fact is, it has got such a special bipolar mucoid plug-ed egg. Shitty... Shitty... Shitty... Well, what the heck, today's test only contributed 2.5 marks in the total accumulation of my Phase II programme. I doubt I'll get even half of that amount. And there goes my Parasitology, what's more, Pharmacology was even worse. Neostigmine? Physostigmine? What's with all those nicotinic and quarternary ammonium structure?? I'm so dead... So so dead.

My housemate told me a while ago that he met his doctor buddy way up above his line the other day. Doctor senior was saying, it's a must to get good result. Aiming to pass every year isn't enough. In the end, if "Pass" is all we get, we're not going to be good doctors. We'll lose all the confidence we've got, and we can barely insert a needle at the correct place. Heck, I'm so gonna be sued for injecting the needle into the muscles instead of the veins. *sob sob*

I came into medical school thinking I'll do well. Why not? I was the top student since primary school. Mum and dad spent so much on my education I barely had any off day. Sunday's the day when I sat in tuition centres, writting essays which eventually enabled me to become one of the winners in national level competitions. Back then, Medical school will just be like any other school lah. But hell no, no no NO.

I wouldn't really embarrass myself here, but really, coming out of my Phase I with just the cukup makan result isn't going to help. I was devastated. I was down. I was depressed. I was lost. I wasn't able to think I'll be able to make it anymore. I guess this time round, I'm the Hell, I'm going to die guy. I was asked to contribute to the Pacemaker magazine for this year, I was made one of the guy in the editorial group, I'm supposed to be good. But I'm not.

I feel like I'm useless. I grumbled whenever my housemates are studying like mad. I complained to Alex I hated to see my housemates sacrificing their fun for medical school. Yet at some point in time, I regretted I never really made full use of my time swallowing the notes. It's all there man! It's all there!! How come my brain and my damn memory fail me in the exam hall?! This is bad, this is real bad. Imagine one day during clinicals, I was to assign some drugs to relieve pain. Instead of Aspirin, I've got Atropin. I'm going to become the next headlines in the media. "Fresh graduate severes pain".

And I guess, in one way or another, I'm still complaining my peers study too much.