On the Second Blow

So it is actually the second year I'm applying for the residency in the state. Failed the last round, so I waited for another year, and gotten myself more prepared, and applied again...

Received an email earlier telling I didn't make the cut again this year.

I was numb to be honest. I wasn't exactly sad. I was just disappointed. I had been telling my friends and my family that I wasn't putting much hope because I didn't want to. I would just go with the flow, if I get it I get it; if I don't, I don't.

But somehow, looking at the mail again, I realized I actually wanted it so much.

I just didn't know what to do now. I feel so empty inside.

The future seem grey.

Should I just prepare and go along for a placement in the hospital there or should I just wait for another year again?

I'm lost...