Monday, September 07, 2009

On Tackling a Overprotective Mum

My Mum is undeniably overprotective. She herself didn't see herself that way. She said it's caring and she worries too much. That's why she wants to know everything. She calls every evening at 8pm to ask me if I've had my dinner of if it rains in KL. And when I was so unlucky to be outside when she calls, I had to tell her some lie that I was out with my colleagues because telling her I'm with one of the bloggers would eventually lead to something never ending.

Blame it on myself because I never told her from the start. But if I did, perhaps I wouldn't even be blogging nowadays.

All my life growing up, she looks after what I do. What I wear to school or to outings. What I did in school she'll find out from my teachers. Who I'm friends with I'll have to report to her. Where I'll be going on the weekend with my friends she wants to know.

But things change after I moved to KL. I was on my own. That was when I started to meet up with people outside from medical school. She knows who my close friends are in school. But she didn't know that I have other close friends who are already working, i.e. not from medical school. I didn't tell her about the later, because she'd probably interogate me about them and even up to the extend of wanting to meet up with them before they could pass her screening and become my friends.

I wanted so much to tell her that I'm old enough to pick my own friends. But most of the time I just couldn't do so over the phone. It's going to be a lot of explanation, and grew impatient easily, once she touches how come I don't go out with any girls from schools instead. So I ended up telling her more and more lies.

Until one day when she told me, "You are obliged to tell me everything, because I am your mother."

So I told her.

Half of the essential stuff until she got a rough picture of who these guys really are, and she stopped pressing further.

But I finally decided to write her THE letter. It was 8 pages long, front and back, half on who I hang out with when I go out if I'm not with my colleagues, and the other half about my life in medical school. I was hoping very much that she would see things my way, that she would slowly let go. Living my life is not the solution.

"You have to let me live my life, you cannot keep controling who I am. How long do you still want to control everything when I'm already an adult? I'm not young anymore. I know what to wear when I go out to mamak stall. I know how to brush my teeth before I go to sleep. And I know how to pick my own friends for that matter."

I don't know how hurt she was when she read the letter. But I do really hope that she sees thing more openly after that. And she would slowly let go, walking next to me instead of in front of me. All these while I project my mum as the very caring lady in my life, there's no doubt to that. But over-doing it would no longer do me any good.

So here's the deal. You have to let go slowly. And I'll be less introvert from now on. Savvy?

16 Jujus:

savante said...

Be thankful then :) You'll grow to appreciate her more when you start working away from her.

manglish said...

yes savante is right Medie007, but it is perfectly ok to be rebellious oso....wen r u graduating har? i hope to yamcha wif u wen i finally fin in 2011 and back to UM :)

TZ said...

Dude, noti noti boy... lie to your mom. :p Anyway, try to talk to her like an adult ... i think you have done a good job of writing her the letter :)

Mom is always treat their son like a BOY until the son got married...

Jerry said...

OO... Mama's boy....


世上只有妈妈好,有妈的孩子像个宝

hehe :P

Gratitude said...

It's only gonna improve hereon. ^_^
+Ant+

Medie007 said...

Savante, i know... i appreciate her more nowadays. this is a scheduled post from a while ago anyways. :P

Manglish, you're finishing by 2011 too?? :D if all goes well, i'll be graduating in the same year too. aiya, u can always come yum cha wth me when u're in KL lar. not like i'm not available for yum char anyways...

TZ, blek! :P she treats me like an adult already. i think it's because of the letter too. :) so your mum still treats you like a BOY too? blek! :P

Medie007 said...

Jerry, are you one yourself? Boo.

Gratitude, yeaps. she's all savvy with it so far. ;)

Jaded Jeremy said...

That's courageous of you and I believed it's best in the long run. Glad it turns out alright.

Evann said...

Ahh, don't take it too hard. But it's a good thing what you did there. Both for yourself and your mom.

When my mom found out that I've been keeping secrets from her, she got the hint and slowly backed off; then she told me that no matter what, we're always our parents' babies. :)

Just make sure you don't let your mom back too far away, and let her know that she still has a part in your life! I sometimes let my mom hold my hand when we're out shopping together. Yes, people stare, but hey! I love the attention anyway. Haha :P

Medie007 said...

Jaded Jeremy, i thought so too. but i had to do it somehow or else the it'd get her more and moreeee curious and she'll invade into my life more...

Evann, awww... that's so sweet! my mum started to hug me the last time i was back home. first time in my life if i recall. ;) love the feeling. definitely don't mind holding her hands if i needed to. ;)

L M said...

I'm a mama's boy -.-
Last time I had to lie to her about going out with friends but in fact I was going to my ex's house Haha
A bit guilty bout it now

Medie007 said...

Guess we still are, LM. :P

Twilight Zone said...

Take my advice here, always tell your mum what she loves to hear only. The rest you can tell me ok! LOL

Medie007 said...

Ha? What she loves to hear would be me studying all the time. And that means when I'm outside yumcha with you also I need to tell her i'm in my room studying wor...

rae/raeshad/adirae said...

kudos to you for the very brave letter.....

do you have this symptoms where you just can't lie to your mom?

i have that. and i'm betting that you have it too rite?

k....

i think i'll write a letter of my own la someday.

thanks for the inspiration boy!

foongpc said...

Wow! You wrote her a letter? I hoped she took it fine. Either things are going to get better or it's going to get worse (depends on whether your mom is going to let go) : )