On Cheating the Wifey

So there was this patient who came to the ward, abdomen grossly distended with bilateral leg swelling and mildly jaundiced. Quite a confirmed case of decompensated chronic liver disease from our first observation. We continued to examine him after we drew the curtains for privacy purposes. There was a Buddha tattoo on the abdomen. Bruises were seen on the forearms, spider naevi all over the body. We ruled out cardiac and renal causes, so we were left with quite obviously gastrointestinal causes. We proceeded to ask some question. Not formally, just checking out. After all, it's not that often we see a man with gross ascites (abdominal distension).

Me: Uncle, were u a drinker?

Patient: Yea, long time ago.

Me: Since when?

Patient: Since I was 18.

Friend: One day how many cans?

Patient: Depends lor...

Friend: Uncle, so do you know whether you have any hepatitis B or any other diseases?

Patient: Not that I know of.

Me: Uncle, are u a recreational drug user? Injections of drugs?

Patient: Yes.

Friend: Multiple sex partners?

Patient: What?

Friend: How many ladies you sleep with?

Patient: A few.

Friend: Regular one?

Patient: Yeah quite regular.

And then his wife came by.

Me: So you how long have you been using drugs?

Patient: Never use.

There. It pays a lot to be naughty. And he definitely paid a lot to keep it a secret.