On Being the Listener

I have been listening. So I wrote, and you shall now read. Hahaha.

He called. Not this sexual he, but another he who believes being he's born gay and that life of a homosexual can still be as hopeful, with marriage and wonderful life together with a partner till the end of lives. I was caught off-guard when he called, wasn't expecting he'd call. As much as I don't feel like talking tonight, I still answered his call for he was always there for me for the past 2 years.

* * * * *

Do you have time?

Yes... Are you... Are you crying???

As a matter of fact... I am... Very funny huh?

No no... What's wrong?

I just got back. And I was listening to this song. You know Snow Petrol? The song on Grey's Anatomy where Izzie's husband died and she was lying on the ground and was like crying for days?

Of course. I burnt you that disc... Sad song really. Never fails to make me feel sad as well.

Yeah... And to have actually watched Mamma Mia just one hour ago. I can't believe I still would still cry...

You watched Mamma Mia?! You didn't asked me!

I know I know. But he asked if I wanted to watch with him.

Who he? Oh... Alex he?

Yeah. I was in the gym when he messaged me. He said he'd come over. So I waited. By the time he was there, movie would be starting in half an hour. So we just went for the steam room. And he kissed me inside. When there's no one else. I could feel that he was horny. He touched my dick, so I did the same. But another guy came in and sat opposite us.

You were still locking? Scandalous...

No no. He pulled away. I didn't notice anything. But I recognize the new guy from a gay website before. I noticed the way he place his towel on his lap. Like if there's no steam, you really can see his cock underneath. Then I look at Alex. He was watching the guy as well. And when he sensed me looking at him, he pretended to close his eyes.

Then just about 30 seconds later, Alex said he's going out for some drink at the water cooler. And the new guy followed suit. I sensed something's wrong. I waited for 2 minutes. Drinking water won't take so long. And movie was about to start. So I went out. Alex was outside the steam room. He said he'd grab his stuff.

I was going to wait for my sweat to dry. When Alex came out, he went into the sauna. I followed him, and I saw the new guy inside there as well. I was pissed you know? Like really pissed. I stomped out and went for my shower. Then I heard him coming out. I peeked through the space in between the door and the new guy was following him. I saw them walking towards the isolated aisle, and Alex came out, and he followed. They maybe went for another cubicle or something. They were mumbling something in Mandrin.

I was crushed. And was like... I don't know what I should be feeling...

You know, if he know that new guy, he would have talked a bit inside the steam room already right? Why so secretive about it?

Hmmm... Okay... Gay people...

Yes... I was like really really pissed. I took my shower and walked towards the locker. Still very pissed. The more I think about it, the more I'm pissed.

But you went to the movie anyhow....

Yes. I was thinking of just leaving straight away. But that'd show that I'm just so immature. So I stayed. And I was planning to ask him, you know, straight in his face, who's that from the steam room? Something like that, as a reason to like, say, that's it, I don't want to ever see or hear from you again.

I went to put my bag inside my car and waited for him in front of the cinema. I figured he might be angry cuz when he called, his tone was a bit... angry. And I replied quite rudely as well. But we did went into the cinema together. Throughout the movie I couldn't enjoy myself. My chest feel tight that at some point during the movie I feel like want to walk out. But I stayed... I thought maybe for the last time, I'll just be a gentleman. I'm taking it he's screwing people just for fun. But I won't become a bitch and act childishly.

Then after the movie, we went for supper. He drove, I drove as well. So we met up at the common place where we used to eat. I was thinking of how to hurt him back. Stab him from the front. Dramatically say we're done.

But in the end, I said nothing. We bade goodbye. He still has my QAF season 3.

Hmmm... so you still want to be with him...

We're not actually officially together for a start. I admit I have feelings for him. He's just not ready for a relationship again maybe, after his disastrous breakup last time. But I figured, why torture myself right? Just when I thought he might actually not like the typical gay men who seek momentary fun, he showed me he actually is one of those jerks.

So... I thought, suits him. For the last time, I think I'm going to forget about him. To stop puting hopes still. And to have him just as a normal friend.

Good for you. Finally... after all those disappointments and late night cries for the past few months.

You bitch! I hate you.

You won't call me if you hate me. You love me.

Doesn't change the fact I still hate you.

So what are you going to do now?

Degrade him. He's not in the same category as you are... Anyways, let's go supper. I need plans to kill him and still roam free.

It's 2a.m..

I'll come fetch you. Meet you up front in 10 minutes.

But it's 2!!!

See you then! Bye!

* * * * *

He reads the blog alright. And he doesn't mind, since he knows I'm putting him anonymous anyways.

But seriously, of the few close homo friends that I have, I came to learn one thing about them, they are either hardcore with no feelings and just go have sex all the time, or they're the drama queens who are bound for the Oscars. Not sure about female homosexuals, have none, but male homosexuals... Very de drama one.

Rest assured, I wasn't harrased. But yeah, have been listening for the whole day. Comments, lecture and lastly complaints. Loooong day it was.

So yeah, any comments, feel free. Am sure he's pleased to read. After all he stopped writing.