Untitled

Ever had the feelings when you watch this really lame movie with the settings taking place at some really deserted place, where the wind just blew up the newspaper or the dusts and no one gives a damn what you're doing. Or it could be someplace like Eastern Europe where it's chilly and deserted and deeply depressed. Everybody minds their own business, and the main character in the movie just walk down the road, looking blankly ahead, thinking whatever mishaps he'd gone through or will be going through. And there comes the background music of something really depressing that somehow you felt like you're blended into the movie itself. You just feel like you're the main character in the movie, and somehow you became empty and helpless, and you wanted everything to end so bad, that you would just stop watching the movie.

James Blunt somehow successfully caught my attention by literally depressing me with his songs. I am a fan of him since his first album. I've to say his songs are haunting yet at the same time just simply catchy. I used to glue myself to some of his earlier songs such as You're Beautiful, High and Wiseman. I got myself Back to Bedlam and could not stop listening to it for weeks. Yet at the same time, I got so emotionally tuned to it that, I felt I was torn apart. And apparently, his new disturbing song 1973 has pretty much left me in such a painful state I'm in right now. I felt useless and betrayed. And definitely depressed...

See, in that movie where the main actor walk down the chilly lane and felt lost, he gave you the impression that life is so huge that you will eventually be consumed by it. I came out from the shower at 3a.m. still crying over the fact that I'm torn apart by what I'm doing to myself...

I looked at the first page under the chapter Neoplasia in Underwoods, feeling deeply disturbed by 1973. I tried not to look up the lyrics. I don't want to know. I just wanted to feel lost. Yet at the same time I refused to admit I am lost. I cannot tell you how helpless I feel. The house's empty now that everyone left for their family over the holiday. I feared most being lonely when I literally am alone. Yet when I'm surrounded by friends I felt despised by their presence wishing to be left alone. How funny man can be regretting things he let go when he never did appreciate them before they're gone for good. And I've been fighting over my own feelings as to how I could prevent this stupid ungrateful things from happening to me.

James Blunt's definitely killing me, and depression is taking toll over my planned-to-be-packed long holiday. I'm one of the lost souls for sure...

Penned by 4.00am.